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一见钟情其实挺靠谱

一见钟情是真爱吗?这种感情的发展前途如何?我们应该率性而为,追求一见钟情产生的感情吗?一见钟情的确是强烈的真爱,随心而行追寻这份爱不能说是“盲目”,而是值得鼓励的高级认知方式。但是,光凭内心直觉的爱情并不深刻,一见钟情的恋人常常不愿意进行理性的思考,结果往往失望收场。情…

一见钟情其实挺靠谱

一见钟情是真爱吗?这种感情的发展前途如何?我们应该率性而为,追求一见钟情产生的感情吗?一见钟情的确是强烈的真爱,随心而行追寻这份爱不能说是“盲目”,而是值得鼓励的高级认知方式。但是,光凭内心直觉的爱情并不深刻,一见钟情的恋人常常不愿意进行理性的思考,结果往往失望收场。情感专家建议,一见钟情之后需要理性地思考,花更多的时间共同相处,逐渐了解对方的性格人品,看看彼此有什么不合适的地方,感性与理性都OK,才能缔造美满姻缘。

名模和总统一见钟情,你看好吗?

意大利名模、流行歌手卡拉·布吕尼与法国前总统萨科齐的恋情在2007年12月曝光,次年2月就举行了婚礼。布吕尼在接受采访时表示,他们是一见钟情—那不仅是快,而且是瞬间发生的。“我毫不犹豫,想马上嫁给他。我感觉,当我与他在一起时,什么坏事也不会发生,我从幼年时期就感受到的焦虑不安荡然无存。”“我以前从来没有结过婚。我来自意大利文化,不想离婚,在我丈夫任满以前,我是第一夫人;直到他去世,我会一直是他的妻子。”

一见钟情多见于帅哥美女

一见钟情的故事数不胜数,有时让人难以参透。有人认为这不可能是真爱,只不过是性欲发作而已—仅仅看了一眼,你就能深深爱上对方?就要和这个陌生人长相厮守、共度余生?不相信一见钟情的人通常会摆出两个理由:

第一,你还没充分了解对方,你的“爱”只是痴心妄想。外貌的吸引是性欲的基础,但爱还需要了解对方的性格特点,例如是否友善、真诚、聪明、幽默等。这是不可能一眼看出来的,需要相处一段时间之后才能知道。

以色列海法大学哲学教授阿龙·本·泽埃夫认为,这个观点忽略了一种可能,就是我们会想当然地以为对方具有某些性格特点,尽管这通常是不正确的估计。例如,在魅力光环笼罩下,外表美丽的人通常被认为性格很好,因此一见钟情的对象往往是帅哥美女。尽管一见钟情可能是误导,但你的爱是真真切切的,而且还十分强烈。

第二,爱不仅是一种感觉,还是一系列行为。一见钟情只是一时的情绪反应,你还没有时间实施行动,所以不是真爱。

泽埃夫指出,在情感作用之下,我们已经准备有所行动了,但出于种种原因没有付诸实施,包括道德上的顾忌、行动的成本、社会规范等。举个极端的例子说,全身瘫痪的人也可以有真爱,尽管他们的肌肉无法活动。

一见钟情后要寻找彼此共同点

浪漫爱情通常是基于对别人的理想化,即把对方幻想得很完美。这既可以是瞬间的感觉,也可以持续多年。类似的情感还有嫉妒,同样是出于对别人的错误信念,源自于十分有限的了解。但哪怕只是持续很短时间,这份爱也可以很强烈。

但是,这份强烈的爱情可能是肤浅的。研究发现,“一个有魅力的异性约你喝咖啡”引发的情感强度与“你从车祸中救了邻家小孩的生命”差不多,但前者的情感仅持续20分钟,后者则能持续5小时以上,因而后者更深刻。

一见钟情还容易产生“光环效应”,即看到对方一方面的优点就觉得很有魅力,进而觉得其方方面面都是好的,包括性格特点。泽埃夫提醒,尽管美貌形成的第一印象影响很大,但随着时间的推移,彼此相互了解之后,光环就会褪去。

因此,一见钟情的人需要多花时间相处,一起进行活动,在交往中进一步了解对方。当然,如果你被对方的美貌闪电般击中,自然希望延长相处的时间,因此一见钟情往往是长久而深刻的爱情的开始。

但是泽埃夫提醒,如果在随后的交往中发现对方的性格特点与最初印象大相径庭,这段感情就悬了。有研究发现,与日久生情相比,一见钟情的男女性格相似度较低,特别是在内外向和情感稳定性方面。因此,是否能够找到彼此性格上的共同之处,是日后亲密关系质量的关键。

所以美国剧作家赞格威尔才会说:“唯一的真爱发生在第一眼,第二眼就没了。”

择偶:随心而行还要经大脑

直觉经常被人们认为是不可靠的,但一项研究跟踪了135对新婚夫妇,发现看到配偶的照片后等情况下产生的直觉与婚姻满意度很有关系。人们无法准确地预测自己的婚姻会不会幸福,有的人会积极地期盼,结果婚后生活未如所愿。例如,有的人不愿

意正视自己对配偶的不满情绪。尽管如此,泽埃夫认为这仍是一件好事。

还有研究发现,相信爱情的人比不相信的人更幸福,在婚前顾虑重重的女性离婚率比婚前没有顾虑的女性大约高出2.5倍,前者即使不离婚,也过得相对不幸福。因此,在婚前感到犹豫、困惑、担心的人或许会出于理性上的考虑而结婚,但日后离婚的风险较高。

听取你内心的声音,会令你的婚姻更幸福。泽埃夫认为,说不清楚的内心直觉在认知价值高于大脑有意识的智力活动,即“盲目”的爱情不一定愚蠢。他举了两个例子:

40多岁的已婚女子伊丽莎白是个事业心很强的白领丽人,遇到一名同龄的已婚男子后,一下子被深深吸引。她是个聪明人,考虑到彼此都已婚,都不想离开现在的配偶,而且两人的性格差异很大—他是一个拘谨、害羞的人,而她则是一个外向、果敢、富有幽默感的人。她觉得,这种迷恋是疯狂而愚蠢的,但后来她随心而行,与他坠入爱河,现在重新开始了一段幸福的婚姻。

珍妮特也是个随心而行的人,她放弃深造的机会,义无反顾地嫁给了一个大家都认为配不上她的男人。他有什么好?他鼓励珍妮特逃离传统家庭的控制,让她拥有自己的空间。婚后,她对婚姻的看法是“只要我们相爱就行了”。尽管新婚时他们疯狂相爱,但是他的酗酒问题逐渐显现,严重妨碍了婚姻生活。最终,珍妮特离开了丈夫。

上述两名女子都是随心而行,但伊丽莎白运用了自己聪明的头脑进行思考,而珍妮特是完全不经大脑。泽埃夫称,随心而行并无明确的标准,情感直觉和智力理性各有千秋,建议优先考虑直觉,但直觉也可能是错的,最好把两种方式整合起来,不应忽略任何一方面。

了解更多和“爱情”相关的冷知识!

一见钟情其实挺靠谱

Is falling in love at first sight true love? Does this kind of emotive develop a future how? We should lead a gender and be, does pursuit fall in love at first sight the feeling of generation? Falling in love at first sight is intense true love really, follow a heart and pursueing this love to cannot say all right is \” blind \” , deserve encouragement advanced and cognitive kind however. But, smooth the love by inner intuition is not deep, the lover that fall in love at first sight often is not willing to undertake rational reflection, result often disappointed wind up. Affection expert suggests, after falling in love at first sight, need thinks rationally, spend more time to get along jointly, know the disposition moral quality of the other side gradually, see each other have the place with improper what, sensibility and reason OK, ability creats perfect the fate brings lovers together.

Famous model and president fall in love at first sight, are you valued?

The amour of Sakeqi of the president before Italian famous model, popular singer blocks La Bulvni and France is in in December 2007 exposure, held wedding second year in Feburary. Bulvni is being accepted when interviewing, express, they are to fall in love at first sight, that is fast not only, and be instantaneous happening. \”I am none hesitant, want to marry him immediately. I feel, when I and he is together, what evildoing also won\’t happen, the angst uneasiness that I experience from childhood period alls gone. \” \” never had married before me. I come from ItalyCulture, do not want to divorce, it is before my husband Ren Man, I am first-lady; Die till him, I can be his wife all the time. I can be his wife all the time..

Fall in love at first sight to see beauty of Yu Shuai elder brother more

The story without number that fall in love at first sight, let a person be joined hard sometimes fully. Somebody thinks this cannot be true love, just be sexual fit just, looked merely, can you fall in love with the other side deeply? Be about to stay together with this stranger appearance, spend the remainder of one\’s life in all? Do not believe the person that fall in love at first sight can place two reason normally:

The first, you had not known the other side adequately, your \” love \” it is wishful thinking only. The attraction of appearance is sexual foundation, but the disposition characteristic that love still needs to know the other side, for example whether affable, genuine, clever, humour. This is impossible to come out soon, after need gets along for some time, ability knows.

· of dragon of A of professor of philosophy of university of Israel sea law Ben Zeaifu thinks, this viewpoint oversight a kind likelihood, it is our meeting ground of assume sth as a matter of course thinks the other side has certain disposition characteristic, although this is incorrect estimation normally. For example, envelop in glamour aureola below, the person of outside beauty is thought disposition is very good normally, the object that falls in love at first sight accordingly often is belle of handsome young man. Although fall in love at first sight,the likelihood is misdirect, but your love is true true be sure to, and very intense still.

The 2nd, love is a kind of feeling not only, still be a series of behavior. Falling in love at first sight is temporarily mood reaction only, you still carry out the action without time, not be true love so.

Zeaifu points out, it is under affection action, we had prepared to act somewhat, but stem from a variety of reasons to did not put into effect, include morally scruple, standard of the cost of the action, society. The case that cites an extreme says, the person that breaks down all over also can have true love, although their muscle cannot activity.

Each other should be searched to be nodded jointly after falling in love at first sight

Romantic love is normally those who be based on pair of others is Utopian, imagine the other side very faultlessly namely. This can be instantaneous feeling already, also can last old. Similar affection still has jealousy, it is the erroneous belief that stems from pair of others likewise, come from at very limited understanding. But even if just last very short time, this love is OK also very intense.

But, this intense love may be peripheral. Consider to discover, \”An attractive opposite sex makes an appointment with you to drink coffee \” caused affection strength and \” the life that you saved child of adjacent wife and children from inside traffic accident \” about the same, but former affection lasts 20 minutes only, latter can last 5 hours above, latter is consequently deeper.

Fall in love at first sight to arise easily still \” halo effect \” , see the other side namely on one hand the advantage feels to have charm very much, feel then its square field surface is good, include disposition characteristic. Lustre dust husband reminds, although fine-looking impact of formation the first impression is very big, but the elapse as time, after each other understand one another, halo is met come out.

Accordingly, the person that fall in love at first sight needs floriferous time to get along, a take action, know the other side further in association. Of course, if you by hit like the fine-looking lightning of the other side, natural hope extends extension time, because this falls in love at first sight,often be long and deep love begin.

But lustre dust husband reminds, if discover in subsequently association the disposition characteristic of the other side and first impression are widely divergent, this paragraph of feeling was hanged. Have research discovery, with with the passing of time strange feeling photograph is compared, the likeness of disposition of male and female that fall in love at first sight is spent inferior, especially inside extroversion and affection stability respect. Accordingly, whether can find the collective place on each other disposition, be in the future the key of affinity quality.

So Geweier just can say American dramatist support: \”Only true love happens in the first, the 2nd did not have. The 2nd did not have..

Choose idol: Follow a heart and go even classicsCerebrum

Intuition often is considered as by people fluky, but a research dogged 135 pairs of newlywed, the intuition that the generation below the circumstance waits for after discovery sees conjugal picture and marital satisfaction are spent very relative. The marriage that people cannot forecast him well and truly can happy, meeting actively expects some people, the life after result marriage was not like place to wish. For example, some people do not wish

Meaning face up to oneself the unsatisfactory to the spouse. Nevertheless, zeaifu thinks this still is a favour.

Still have research discovery, the person that believes love is happier than the person that does not believe, the female that the female divorce in the full of worries before marriage does not have apprehension before rate comparing marriage about tower above 2.5 times, former although do not divorce, also get relatively unfortunate happiness too. Accordingly, the person that feels hesitation, bewilderment, afraid before marriage can stem from reason to consider and marry what go up probably, but the risk that divorces in the future is higher.

Listen to your heartSound, the marriage that can make you is happier. Zeaifu thinks, the inner intuition that says to not be clear about is in the intellectual activity with conscious cerebra of cognitive value prep above, namely \” blind \” love is not certain and foolish. He cited two case:

Li Sha of married woman Yi is the white-collar beauty with a very strong enterprise in vain, encounter to be the same as age after married man, be attracted deeply at a draught. She is a clever person, consider each other are married, do not want to leave present spouse, and the disposition difference of two people is very big, he is an overcautious, bashful person, and the person that she is an extroversion, courageous and resolute, rich sense of humor. She feels, this kind of infatuation is mad and foolish, but she follows a heart later and go, fall in love with him, began a paragraph of happy marriage afresh now.

Janet also is a person that follow a heart and goes, she forgoes the opportunity that take advanced courses, ground of honor permits no turning back married an everybody to think not to deserve to go up her man. It what he has is good that what he has? He encourages Janet to escape the control of traditional family, let her have her space. After marriage, she is to marital view \” want us to loved each other to go only \” . Although they love each other wildly when newly-married, but his excessive drinking problem is shown gradually, hampered badly matrimony. Final, janet left the man.

Two afore-mentioned women are along with the heart travel, dan Yili Sha applied his clever brains to undertake reflection in vain, and Janet is complete not classics cerebra. Zeaifu says, follow a heart and do not have specific standard all right, affection intuition and intellective and rational each has his strong point, suggest first consideration is instinctive, but intuition also may be a fault, had better rise conformity of two kinds of means, do not answer oversight any on one hand.

Understanding more and Loverelevant trivia!

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